It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a teacher for, you still remember the dread of being given homework.
When you’ve spent all morning planning in your head what you were going to do with your afternoon. The games you were going to play. The friends you were going to meet. The wrestling reruns you were going to watch.
Then, your teacher burst your bubble by dropping a load of homework for you to complete by tomorrow.
It was at that time you had to make an important decision: do you do it, or do you come up with an excuse?
When you give your students their homework you can see them battling with the same problem in their heads, can’t you? You can probably predict who’s going to be in the latter category as well.
Well, for those children who decided they wanted to come up with an excuse, these are some of the most creative, weird and wonderful reasons they’ve ever come up with.
01. The New Technological Disaster
Well, it would be rude if the dog got to eat all of the homework, wouldn’t it?
02. The ‘Top Marks For Creativity’ Excuse
Times must have gotten really hard for The Borrowers.
03. The Most Gradual Destruction Of Homework Ever
Accompanied with a long, slow, “Nooooooooooooo *breathes* ooooooooooooo!” scream as it’s drowned millimeter by millimeter.
04. The ‘That Won’t Work In University’ Excuse…
Can you bring him in so I can write your grade on his stomach?
05. The Moment Your Homework Becomes Your Alibi
I’m not sure how Pythagoras Theorem calculations are going to help them get your Dad on a speeding ticket, though.
06. The ‘Is It Rude To Laugh?’ Excuse
Yeah, and I’ve just sold my toddler’s finger painting to MoMA.
07. The Jeepers Creepers Excuse
Yet, you seem like you had a good night’s sleep in that room, Jimmy? I’m starting to see the flaw in your story.
08. The Alien Invasion, Part One
And they couldn’t have left you with a more believable excuse?
09. The Accidental Postcard Excuse
I don’t know whether to believe you, or be worried that your Dad is in the habit of sending his brother Lord of the Flies book reports.
10. The ‘I Can See How You May Have Brought That On’ Excuse
A much more innocent approach than Britney Spears took, I guess.
11.The Buddhist Excuse
I mean, he’s got a point…
12. The Life-Saver Excuse
But it’s summer. And you’ve got all of your other books.
13. The Irresponsible Driver
How did everything else dry out for today, and not your homework?
14. The Future Planner
I’ve been teaching you for a while now. I don’t feel like 48 hours is going to make that much of a difference to you, Sophie.
15. The New Medical Discovery Excuse
That’s funny, because I’ve come down with an awful case of, “Giving you a failing grade”.
16. The World’s Most Powerful Air Conditioner Excuse
His car comes with three settings: Low, Medium and Hurricane Katrina, apparently.
17. The Conscientious Student Excuse
Forget the homework, how did you get and cure your cold in less than 48 hours?
18.The Freak Natural Disaster Excuse
Billy, paper doesn’t conduct electricity. That’s exactly what your homework was about.
19. The Forgetful Mind Excuse
But…but, your head is right here, in front of me. How did you think this one would work?
20. The Brutally Honest Excuse
Does that mean I get to fail both of you now? Because that would really be a first for me.
21. The I-Just-Care-Too-Much Excuse
I hope you were picketing for the, “Dealing with lame homework excuses” bonus I’ve been asking for.
22. The Helpful Child Excuse
While I appreciate the sentiment, you’ve just made it worse for when you bring your homework in tomorrow.
23. The Down-With-The-Kids Excuse
Teachers over the age of 40 may struggle with this one.
24. The Longshot Excuse
He must have been expecting a lot of Pokemon Go Trivia to come up on the quiz.
25. The Solar Powered Calculator Excuse
Hannah, you’re literally holding an iPhone. I can see the calculator app from here.
26. The Alien Invasion, Part Two
Great, now the Martians are going to think we all write with a backwards E.
27. The Homeless Hero Excuse
I imagine it was about as effective as this excuse, Daniel.
28. The Religious Discovery
Funnily enough, giving someone who missed their homework a passing grade is against mine.
29. The ‘It Is Rude To Laugh Excuse’, Part Two
I have a feeling they’d have survived, Kelly.
30. The Physical Impairment
That’s a funny way to hold a pen.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…
Okay, now it’s over to you – what are some of your favourite excuses that a kid has come up with then they’ve not submitted their homework? Let me know in the comments.
And, remember, use my comebacks at your own risk.
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